how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Randomize
