Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
