He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we're making bets on your personal life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
