How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
