Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
