My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
