We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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