My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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