New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
