Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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