why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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