I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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