I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
