i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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