remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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