the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize