i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
