I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
