Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
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Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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