guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is classic penis vs brain.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
