she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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