so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
