Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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