FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
