i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
