I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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