there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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