I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
