they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my sisters under your porch take her home
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
