hotel room ftw
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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