I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
