yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
