I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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