I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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