Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
