there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i've created a new STD.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
