It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
