the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
