Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
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Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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