pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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