I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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