I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well you can't waste a boner
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
