I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
