I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
