i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
