Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I understand Curling. That high.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
