I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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