Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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