Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
