Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
