Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
