you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
