Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I smell like Dick and happiness
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
