did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
