my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
