you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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