I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
