I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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