mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
handjob tips. give me some.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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