Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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