Your face is a jimmy john
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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