I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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