This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
