Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
