If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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