It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
