I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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